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文章原始标题:What are some of the dark lessons that life showed you?


Justin Barnes
Imagine yourself in a class, and you're given an exam. Luckily for you, you're mostly prepared. You've done all other assignments, attended the previous lectures with perfect attendance, been good at doing your textbook readings, done a couple extra credit assignments, as well as some extracurricular academic activities that relate to this class.
You've been a stellar student and the teacher's assistant says you're probably the best student he's seen attending the class. That's the assistant's opinion, however. You have no idea what the teacher thinks of you, as they do a good job about hiding their emotions about just about anything.
Back to the test, you take the exam, and thanks to your diligence, it was fairly easy. The material was familiar, you recalled a great deal of it, and so after rechecking your answers, you turn the test in, and you're feeling great.


A couple of days pass by, and your teacher hands back the tests, showing the scores to you and your classmates. He stares at you with a stoic expression, but he also has a glint in his eye….the look of disappointment. He asks you to see him immediately after the class is over. He hands you your test back, and you see that you're score wasn't perfect. It was pretty good, but not perfect. You wonder what could possibly be wrong.
Upon skimming through and reviewing the answers you provided, you realize you missed a few questions, and it was as you expected: you did well, but that doesn't mean you'd be perfect at it.
You walk up to your teacher's desk, apprehensive about what he might say to you. He then proceeds to inquire and interrogate you as to why you got those few questions wrong.


Whats the big deal? You missed a couple of questions. You passed with a high enough score and you have been proving your commitment to the class in all other aspects.
As the conversation comes to a close, he asks that you come to additional tutoring, despite the fact that you're doing extremely well.
That student was me, and that teacher was my junior year high school Physics teacher.
I was a lot more ambitious in academia when I think back to those days, and if not for that experience? I probably would've been working harder in college my first semester. Unfortunately for me, this experience was very destructive to my confidence in school and in people in general. I was so frustrated! Who wouldn't be? You'd done everything in your power to do as best you can, and the teacher is hung up about the minor issues where you lack.


Yeah, I get it. You need to improve and show that you're growing as time goes on in anything, but why should anyone expect perfection from others when they don't demonstrate that same expectation of perfection for themselves?
I learned that day that you can commit wholeheartedly to anything you want, work diligently, cover everything that will allow you to succeed, and then succeed time and time again, but when you do a couple of minor things that aren't up to your usual level of performance? People will fixate and dwell on those points, and begin to judge you negatively.
And this lesson didn't end there. It's been a consistent rehash throughout recent months and years and in more than just school.


Most recently, when I worked in food service for a third year with the same company I had for a while. I had been in and out lately due to college and other obligations, but I was ready to earn more money and work my tail off before going back up north to college. Luckily for me I had gained the trust of my managers and employers, and they were willing to pay me well above minimum wage here in Texas. In fact, it was almost twice that (about $14 per hour.). I was paid a very handsome hourly wage because my employers had known me so long and I'd been dedicated to them for so long.
Unfortunately for me though, when I started back in early January 2019, this was after our building was remodeled and modified. It desperately needed that, too, as our old building was much too small, and not only was our customer volume increasing exponentially, but our employees were complaining of adverse work conditions because of the small building. So it definitely had to happen.


But as part of the remodel, which took about a year, we had a lot older veteran employees that I had bonded with go searching elsewhere for employment. By the time we reopened, they weren't looking to go back.
So my restaurant hired all-new employees. Initially, it was an alright setup. I generally try to get along with everyone, and if someone doesn't really get along with me initially, I try to resolve it quickly and tactfully.
My most trusted manager, friend, and colleague, the man who rehired me after the remodeling, the man who literally cheered and shouted when I walked back in to get my job back? He was outed from his general manager position and had his responsibilities delegated to other high-ranking employees. So now the one person who knew me the best was gone, and even worse: he couldn't vouch for me or defend me in discussions with other managers.


It only got worse from there. My hours steadily decreased, as the newer employees were getting promoted to shift lead positions after a mere 4 or 5 months there. I was there almost 2.5 years, and not once had I been approached about being promoted. Granted, I was getting paid a lot, so I wasn't complaining too much. But getting some more responsibility would've been nice, as I could move on with a higher degree of knowledge in the field at some point.
Unfortunately for me, the new shift leads started reporting me to a manager I had also known a good while. She and I weren't nearly as close as the previous person I mentioned, but close enough that she could judge my character well enough….or so I thought. Turns out she would much rather place her faith in newer, 4 or 5 month old, rookie employees with shift lead positions than an employee who's been under her payroll for the last 2+ years.

对我来说不幸的是,新的轮班领导开始把我汇报给一个我也认识很久的经理。她和我的关系远不如我之前提到的那个人那么亲密,但是也足够亲密,她也可以很好地判断我的性格... 至少我是这么认为的。事实证明,她更愿意相信新的、4个月或5个月经验的新手员工,而不是一个在她手下工作了2年以上的员工。

The next week, without any warning, my hours dropped from 25 hours the previous week, down to about 7 or 10 the current and following weeks. I was livid, and I was close to leaving for college, and I desperately needed money saved in the bank, as jobs in my college town were hard to come by for anyone living there. Plus if I didn't have to work during school time, that would be ideal. Anyway, I talked with the manager before one of my shifts, and she told me what had transpired: how the new shift leads weren't happy with my work quality, speed, or overall performance. They told her, based on a couple of instances they had seen, that I wasn't good enough for their standards. So she told me she would reduce my hours, so I wouldn't become a liability. I couldn't believe my own ears. I then brought up how that was just based off of a couple of instances. I asked if they had been watching me closely for a prolonged period of time. She said as far as she knew, she didn't think they were watching me that closely. I asked if it ever occurred to her that I do well they other days they aren't monitoring me, and that the new employees are just looking to take my hours. We sat in silence. I told her finally, that I could do a million things right under their watch, and a couple of things wrong, and all they'd notice were the couple of instances where I went wrong. She couldn't look me in the eye or even respond.


Later that week, I resigned. Fine by me, as I was leaving back for college in a couple of weeks. I had much preparation to do for that time. And upon returning home recently yet again, I'm no longer going to work for them.
But I had a valuable lesson reaffirmed to me then:
You can literally do a million things right and try to do whatever you want to do right for people, but if you do even ONE small thing wrong? That's all most of them will notice. Doesn't matter if you'd been the best at what you did in other aspects. If you have one little mistake on your record? That's all people will care about.


Kathrina Hernandez
Looks like life is bad in the land of so called gold, usa. Sorry to hear employees treated like this.


Kathy Slenker
Absolutely true. Whenever an employee shows initiative, insecure management will find a reason to let you go. They will accuse you of stealing money, flirting with their spouse, etc. Usually, you know it is going to happen. It is just a matter of when.


* Your relatives can be the some of the nastiest, most untrustworthy people you know. Sometimes, you’ll get more support and affection from friends than people who share your bloodline. Hell, you may be more comfortable around strangers than some of your relatives.
* College dating is a giant waste of time. Every now and then, you’ll run into a guy who says you’re attractive etc. Don’t be fooled. If they make you uncomfortable, run away. In fact, don’t date in college. It’s distracting, and it can quickly spiral out of control if you screw up something.

* 你的亲戚可能是你认识的最讨厌、最不值得信任的人。有时候,你会从朋友那里得到更多的支持和爱,而不是那些和你有着同样血缘的人。和陌生人在一起,可能比和亲戚在一起更舒服。
* 大学约会是严重浪费时间。时不时地,你会遇到一个男人,他会说你很有魅力等等。别被愚弄了。如果他们让你感到不舒服,就跑开。事实上,不要在大学里约会。它会分散你的注意力,如果你搞砸了什么事情,它会很快失去控制。

* Mental illness is just as painful, demoralizing, and soul-crushing as a physical illness. A personal with a mental illness is fragile, no matter how physically strong they are. You can’t take your eyes off of them for a second.
* Finding out the truth about someone you looked up to can really suck. Everyone is human. Your “role models” can do some ugly things, and you can even be a witness to it!
* Almost anything, including not washing your car, can cost you your life. Think about it. A car always gets dirty just because it’s driven everywhere. So, why wash it, right? You can drive fine anyway. Well, imagine an early morning where your dusty windshield gradually starts reflecting so much sunlight that you eventually can’t see anything. And, you’re on the highway. It’s scary.

* 精神疾病和身体疾病一样痛苦、沮丧、折磨人的精神。一个患有精神疾病的人是很脆弱的,不管他们的身体多么强壮。你的眼睛一刻也不能离开他们。
* 发现你崇拜的人的真实面目真的很糟糕。每个人都是人。你的“榜样”可以做一些丑陋的事情,你甚至可以是这些事情的见证者!
* 几乎任何事情,包括不洗车,都可能要了你的命。想想吧。汽车总是因为到处行驶而变脏。所以,为什么要洗它,对吧?不管怎样,你都可以很好的开。好吧,想象一下,在一个清晨,你的挡风玻璃上的灰尘渐渐开始反射太多的阳光,最终你什么也看不见了。然后你在高速公路上。太可怕了。

* Most of the people in your life will disappear after a while. Friends grow up and move away while some “friends” just suck. Your social circle is ever-changing because of these facts alone. But, always try to keep in touch with those who left a positive impact on you.
* You’ll be exposed to things like racism and sexism before you turn 5 years old.
* Assuming everyone behaves responsibly is a terrible idea. You’re going through a green light, you know, obeying the law and all that. Then, someone rambling on their cell phone runs a red light. But, that’s an illegal move, right?

* 你生命中的大多数人都会在一段时间后消失。朋友长大了,搬走了,而有些“朋友”就只是烂。仅仅因为这些事实,你的社交圈就在不断变化。但是,一定要和那些对你有积极影响的人保持联系。
* 在你5岁之前,你会接触到种族主义和性别歧视等问题。
* 假设每个人的行为都是负责任的,这是个糟糕的想法。你正在通过绿灯,你知道,遵守法律和所有的一切。然后,有人拿着他们的手机闲聊着闯了红灯。但是,这是一个非法的举动,对吧?

* Suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, regardless of economic status, proximity to your residence, or their relationship with you. Yes, these can happen to your next-door neighbor or someone you know. Don’t assume you’re immune to them, either. Brings me to my next point.
* Everyone is wearing a face. Someone who’s constantly cheerful is usually hiding something. Be friendly, but don’t assume they’re on the up and up all the time. Besides, you’re hiding some things from them, too.
* Neither your college degree nor your high school diploma will live up to your expectations. I won’t call high school or college an outright waste of time. I’ve had some valuable experiences, met awesome people, and learned some new techniques like how to use Excel. Right after you graduate, however, no one cares about you were a straight A-student anymore. In fact, at this very moment, a D-student might be out-achieving their fellow A-students.

* 任何人都有可能产生自杀的念头,不管他们的经济状况如何,离你住所的距离如何,或者与你的关系如何。是的,这些可能发生在你的隔壁邻居或者你认识的人身上。也不要认为你对它们免疫。让就引出了我下一点。
* 每个人都戴着面具。一个总是快乐的人通常隐藏着一些事情。友好一点,但不要认为他们总是诚实的。而且你也有事瞒着他们。
* 你的大学学位和高中文凭都不会达到你的期望。我不会说高中或大学是纯粹的浪费时间。我有过一些宝贵的经历,遇到了一些很棒的人,学到了一些新的技巧,比如如何使用 Excel。然而,就在你毕业后,没有人再关心你是不是一个优等生了。事实上,在这个时刻,一个D水准学生可能比其他A水准学生更优秀。

* Practice unhealthy habits when you’re young, and you’ll live to regret it.
* Anti-aging doesn’t exist. To be fair, I’m not old at all. I’m only 21. But, as I aged from 3 to 21, I’ve noticed a general trend that I simply can’t ignore anymore. I have ten times as many responsibilities. I’m ten times as busy. I’m ten times as pensive about my future. My siblings are working adults, and my parents are waiting to become grandparents. In other words, I’m still young, but the clock is ticking. I’ll see this trend again in the next 18 years, but perhaps in very different ways than I’m used to.
Well, I hope that was a useful read! I could’ve said loads more, but this is good enough.

* 年轻时养成不健康的习惯,你会后悔终生的。
* 抵抗衰老是不存在的。说句公道话,我一点也不老。我才21岁。但是,当我从3岁到21岁的时候,我注意到了一个我再也不能忽视的大趋势。我有十倍的责任,要忙碌十倍的事情。我对自己的未来有十倍的忧虑。我的兄弟姐妹都已经成年工作了,我的父母也在等着成为爷爷奶奶。换句话说,我还年轻,但时间不多了。在接下来的18年里,我会再次看到这一趋势,但可能是以一种和我所习惯的截然不同的方式。

Nazeem Dollie studied at Sports Science Institute of South Africa - SSISA (2003)
That sometimes violence is the only answer…
The year is 1992 and I am 12 years old. I am new to high school and we are all in our first week. Few children know each other as we all came from our respective primary schools into a new world called high school.
I was the shy, quiet type of boy that did not bother anyone. I was still trying to find my feet and only ever spoke if I was spoken to.
Some boy in my class decided it was a good idea to wack me behind the head and pretend it was not him. Mind you, it was not a very hard wack, it was fairly light, but annoying as fuck.


I told him to please stop doing it as I did not like it. He then accused me of falsely accusing him after he told me it was not him. I tried to ignore him, but then I felt another slap behind my head, and I heard two boys giggle, one of them being him.
I turned around and asked him again to please stop bugging me, and he got furious. He told me in so many words that it was not him, and that he was now getting pissed off with me, and that he would teach me a lesson during break time.
Sure enough, break time came and he tapped me on the shoulder at the school mini-shop, where I bought a sandwich. He told me he would sort me out now in front of everyone, as he was apparently the big shot amongst all his peers.


Within less than five seconds, I threw a hard right hook directly into his face, which made him tumble to the floor. This was followed by a straight hard kick from me towards his chest, after which I smashed my entire weight upon his abdomen area. When he managed to get up, I gave him one last left hook to his jaw which made his skull crash against the wall.
By now you are probably wondering how I did that or where it came from. Yeah, never fuck with the quiet boy that knows karate. One of our core lessons were to always remain humble and not brag about our instruction or accomplishments, and that no one should know how lethal you are .
One of the dark truth is that violence can sometimes be the only answer that some people understand and that you absolutely have to fuck them up if they are to never mess with you again.